It is over. Birth in Cambodia. And one of my greatest fears – surgery – overcome. There are a multitude of thoughts spilling through my mind. I turn them over in the space I do have between toddler and infant. Mulling over them and what they mean.
Disappointment over the surgery – not the surgery itself – but because I had to have one in the first place. Yes I am beyond grateful for c-sections and that they bring healthy babies into the world who might otherwise have died and their mothers too. But after a natural birth with Aya, I do grieve that Arwen wasn’t also. It’s a wholistic, incredible experience labouring someone into the world.
And so I rest in that place of frayed nerves as my mind, body and spirit recover and my emotions try to catch up with my spinning hormones. The emotions of being a mom to a newborn all over again – overwhelmed, sadness at times, exhaustion – and those combined this time with the discomfort of recovery from surgery. It still hurts to walk and lay down on my side. Little reminders that my body just underwent a major procedure.
And all that combined with the energy and pizazz of my two year old! It’s a whole different ballgame with two in tow, that’s for sure. 🙂
And sometimes it isn’t easy to find peace.
But I remind myself that God has been so very gracious. A healthy baby. I’m healthy too. In a country where everything goes wrong to the most innocent people, where the medical system fails so many, He has brought us through. I am overcome by gratitude for the answered prayers; the grace of which I was a recipient though I don’t deserve it any more than anyone else.
And ultimately, I’ll come to appreciate this battle scar for baby Arwen. It will be a continuing reminder of the grace, the beautiful unspeakable grace.