It’s terrible. But I have to agree with him.
By rockstar of course, he means that I am a narcissist. Self-centred. A bit lazy. Like I’m expecting things to just happen.
I remember distinctly at my last job in Calgary working with a couple of Canadian singer/songwriters. They were quite famous by Canadian standards actually and I was proud of myself for snagging these guys. They swung by the office for the video shoot looking like they’d just fallen out of bed but still oozing confidence.
I passed them the script and they glanced at it for about 5 seconds. Then, one of them dangled it mindlessly in front of me while full on in a conversation with my colleague. It was pretty obvious. I was gopher girl. I remember giggling inside. And also being equal parts offended since I’d bought them Tim Hortons and that was really nice of me.
But maybe that’s what I’ve been doing in life. Just dangling the pieces in front of me expecting someone else to deal with it. Being ambitious and with sky high expectations but the whole time mostly waiting for all those good things to plop in my lap.
Very RockStar like.
The house, the fridge, my ambitions at work, chores, writing, friendships. Without investing too much, I actually expect that these wonderful blessings will just happen. Historically, I’ve never had to work very hard at anything – school and the things I liked came easily (and the things that didn’t I never bothered to try again).
I think I grew up really believing that I was at the centre of the universe. Maybe we all do a bit…maybe that’s why Jesus had to say to die to ourselves and pick up our crosses. I always thought that was a super spiritual statement. Now I see things a bit differently. It’s about dying a bazillion little deaths every day. It’s about real life. About working hard, and loving well, and resting in grace. But it’s not laziness.
There has to be some divine balance in all of this. God’s calling on our lives. The pursuit of Excellence. Experiencing Grace. I hope I find it soon. Cause now I’m 28. And the house doesn’t clean itself (it just gets dirty), the fridge doesn’t stock itself (usually Steve does), and the world doesn’t wait until I’m ready for it.